Identity Crisis

Severe and ongoing childhood trauma causes an identity crisis in its victims. The real self—the vulnerable self—is attacked and damaged, fake identities emerge to try to protect the real self from more trauma and pain. The sad part is that often the real self is lost. We are buried by and even held captive by the trauma.

Sometimes, we are comfortable in hiding. It feels safer. Honestly, hiding the real me feels like it saves that precious part of me from rejection and ridicule. And while it seems like hiding would keep more pain away, what it really does it box it up and store it inside us. Eventually the boxes disintegrate, releasing the toxic residue of the pain to slowly poison us.

Hiding keeps us from fully experiencing the beauty of the world around us. What once seemed like a safehouse, slowly becomes a prison. Our identity crisis becomes our reality.

Understanding the Façade

The masks—or identities—I developed were designed to keep me alive while I was growing up. Masks of anger protected me from vulnerability; masks of “I don’t care” gave me a false sense of power. But the most used and enduring mask that I formed, was one to protect me from the onslaughts of Mom’s anger and Dad’s need to prove he was all-powerful.

I learned that if I acted stupid and weak, Mom didn’t feel the need to knock me down and anger wasn’t such a big part of the sexual abuse Dad inflicted. It was a mask that offered me acceptance by my parents. That identity slowly replace my authentic self. While the acceptance was welcomed, sadness at losing the real me, colored the whole world in gray. My identity crisis was in full swing.

Leaving the home of my parents and working towards building a “regular” life, woke up the real me. The façade became heavy and outdated. The desire for freedom pushed me past the fear of the pains that laid hidden behind the masks. https://a.co/d/00md7R5s

Stepping Out from Behind the Mask

It is not easy or simple to let go of the masks we hide behind. Sometimes, we don’t realize we wear a mask. And sometimes we confuse our masked selves with who we really are. After all, our real selves are used to hiding. So what does it take to allow ourselves to step out from behind the mask, and claim the life that is waiting for us?

• Accept Your Worth.

When we are abused, our value is discarded and trampled by our abusers. It is easier to believe that we are unworthy than accept the powerlessness we felt at their hands. But our power comes in accepting and claiming our worth and beauty as a human being. Learning to accept that, frees us to heal.

• Face Your Demons

The events that led to us forming masks to wear and often new identities, were in the beginning, impossible for us to deal with. But as we work our way forward, and learn to believe in our worth, we gain the strength we need to face the demons. As much as the old terrors seem like unconquerable monsters, the truth is, we do have the ability to open the boxes and purge ourselves from their poison.

• Learn to Trust

Trusting others seems like an impossible task. And often, it is not one we are even willing to try. But isolation is not meant to be part of our human existence. For me, the first and most powerful exercise in trust was learning to trust in a Higher Power—even Jesus Christ. I needed to believe that there is more to this life than I can see. And that there is a Being greater than me that knows my worth and is willing to help me navigate a sometimes-treacherous path. There is peace and strength in accepting that we are not alone.

Identity Reclamation

The reclamation of our true selves is not a “one-and-done” prospect. Like anything worthwhile, it takes work. It often requires us to revisit each healing step numerous times throughout our journey. But in each step, there is new strength and understanding. We learn more about who we really are and the worth of our soul in this vast and beautiful universe.

The identity crisis does not need to be permanent. We can reclaim the light and life that was once lost. We can thrive in a life that is uniquely our own. The Power to Choose