Transforming Trauma

Trauma tears down, limits, and initially debilitates us. Transforming our trauma into something that builds seems impossible at first. How can something so destructive ever be a part of something worthwhile?

The first answer that comes to mind is that trauma does not take the worth out of its victim. It challenges the worth and buries it in the rubble of its destruction. But the worth is still there. Just like a glass bottle that was emptied, broken, and tossed to the curb, its core elements are unchanged. Its brokenness can be transformed.

When we have been broken, we can also be transformed.

The Alienating Force of Abuse

The trauma from abuse of any kind undermines our sense of self-worth and alienates us from society in general. Trauma can trap us inside our own minds where a life-sucking dark storm can keep us from seeing the light that can help us forward. The alienation we feel is part of the brokenness.

When the pieces of our life lay at our feet, we wonder, Can I be healed? That question is often haunted by another, Do I want to be healed? If healed means having to trust, and act in normal ways, it feels like it also means setting us up for more pain and trauma. The truth is, strength and understanding comes with healing. Healing can help us transform the trauma into the tools we need to deal with life’s ups and downs. It can also help us avoid some of the pitfalls.

Healing Through Connection

Psychotherapy, medications, centering exercises, nature, music, etc. are all beneficial in healing the emotional, mental, and physical scars of abuse trauma. Another element of the healing process that is not often talked about is the vital role of reaching out to help others. When our trauma is the result of abuse, this can seem near impossible. It is challenging to find the energy to reach beyond ourselves or even see beyond the pain we have endured. But reaching out in some way can help us rediscover our worth and our place in the world.

In my own healing journey, while in one of its darkest pits, this lesson was taught to me in a very real and powerful way.

From Miracles in the Dark:

The healing I thought would happen in a few weeks and a few pages was turning into months and what felt like volumes. 

I fell to my knees in prayer—in pleading—to be rescued from this dark reality. No reprieve, just waves of emotion. I wandered through the house desperate to have something else to focus on, but fearful sorrow drained my energy. I knelt again, crying for help. Instead of a knock on the door by a close friend, the name of a teenage girl I recently served with in church came to mind, Madeline. With it came the thought that I should check on her. Putting her name aside, I pleaded again for rescue. Her name came to me again and again as I continued to pray.

Annoyed that the thought of her was interrupting my prayers, my plea became more energized by my concern for my own well-being. I am weak and lost, I don’t have the strength to help anyone else. Help me! The more energized my prayer, the stronger the impression came to call Madeline and ask how she was doing. How can reaching out to someone else be the answer when I am so empty? By early afternoon, the idea to call Madeline was so incessant that I finally decided to act on it. 

Reaching Out

Secretly I hoped no one would answer. But she did, “I can’t believe you called, I’m going crazy and don’t have anyone to talk to. Can I come over?” Not sure what else to say, I agreed. I hurriedly ran a brush through my hair and washed my face. The house was a mess, so I waited for her on the front porch swing, closed my eyes, and uttered one last prayer for help.

Madeline came, plopped on the swing, and shared her concerns about home life, college, and the future in a string of words that came so fast, I could barely keep up. We visited for nearly an hour; her energy for life lifted me out of my despair. I gave no profound advice: I simply listened and assured her that everything would work out. She left with a smile and a confident plan for moving forward in her life. Clouds lifted and I was back in the peace of the present.

The answer was clear: I didn’t need to be rescued. I needed to act—to reach out and do something good that got me out my own head and back to the present. The pain of my childhood would keep me shackled in a prison of the past unless I was willing to take it with me into the present. https://a.co/d/4cAoqCD

Transforming the Trauma

Discovering ways to help others gives us the strength to challenge the self-defeating thoughts and behaviors that keep us stuck in the past. It helps us transform the trauma into something good. Getting outside ourselves helps us find relief from the storms and frees us from the prison of the abuse. Healing Truths