Looking Beyond Ourselves

When depression is suffocating us, it often feels impossible to find the energy to see outside our own pain. Psychotherapy, medications, centering exercises, nature, music, etc. are all beneficial in healing the emotional, mental, and physical scars of abuse trauma. But there is an element of the healing process that is not often talked about. It is the vital role of looking beyond ourselves and finding ways to help others.

Nothing to Give

Once I started having to deal with the pain and trauma of the abuse I suffered as a child, I found myself pulling away more and more from others. Simply trying to take care of simple day-to-day tasks was overwhelming. I found myself in a such a state of depression and couldn’t see my way out. It felt like I had fallen into a black hole, and struggled to get back into the light above me that was quickly narrowing to just a small pinhole of brightness.

On an especially suffocating time in my journey, I fell to my knees in prayer—in pleading—to be rescued from the darkness that threatened to destroy me. But no reprieve came, just waves of emotion. Frustrated at what seemed like a no-answer from God, I got up from knees and tried to go about the simple task of making my bed. I couldn’t do it.

As I roamed through the house, I desperately sought something else to focus on, but the weight of fear and sorrow drained me of all energy. I knelt again, crying for help. Instead of a rescue, the name of a teenage girl I recently served with in church came to mind, Madeline. With it came the thought that I should check on her.

Annoyed that the thought of her was interrupting my prayers, my plea became more energized by my concern for my own well-being. I am weak and lost, I don’t have the strength to help anyone else. Help me! The more energized my prayer, the stronger the impression came to call Madeline and ask how she was doing. How can reaching out to someone else be the answer when I am so empty?

Is Looking Beyond Ourselves Possible?

By early afternoon, the idea to call Madeline was so incessant that I prayed for the strength to act on it. I shakily picked up the phone and made the call. Secretly I hoped no one would answer. But she did, “I can’t believe you called, I’m going crazy and don’t have anyone to talk to. Can I come over?” Not sure what else to say, I agreed. I hurriedly ran a brush through my hair and washed my face. The house was a mess, so I waited for her on the front porch swing. I closed my eyes, and uttered one last prayer for help.

Madeline came, plopped on the swing, and shared her concerns about home life, college, and the future in a string of words that came so fast, I could barely keep up. I gave no profound advice: I simply listened and assured her that everything would work out. She left with a smile and a confident plan for moving forward in her life. Her energy lifted the clouds of despair; I was back in the peace of the present. The answer was clear: In that moment, I didn’t need to be rescued. I needed to act—to reach out and do something that got me out my own head and back to the present.

Connected to Inner Strength

Getting outside of myself despite my burdens and emptiness has proved to be difficult and lifesaving. I learned that helping others is not about “saving” them, but more about reminding all of us that we do not have to walk the journey alone. A kind message, a smile, a listening ear, or words of encouragement lift both the giver and the receiver. Pity or Compassion

Our mental health and well-being are improved by looking beyond ourselves. “Research indicates that those who consistently help other people experience less depression, greater calm, fewer pains and better health. They may even live longer.” https://www.mhanational.org/help-others

Getting outside ourselves helps us find relief from the storms and frees us from the prison of the pain we carry. It helps us rediscover our worth and uncover the ability to challenge self-defeating thoughts and behaviors that keep us stuck in the dark. Helping others connects us to our inner strength.