Reclaiming the Good

Reclaiming the good moments in our lives is critical in emotional and spiritual healing. No life is exclusively evil nor exclusively good. Whatever the severity of our trauma, or the toll it takes on our minds and bodies, life has a way of sprinkling light throughout our experiences—pieces of hope and strength—to hold onto as we navigate the darkness of the trauma.

Facing the reality of the damage that the heartache caused (even if it’s one small piece at a time), helps us find life-saving light that kept the trauma from completely destroying us. Brené Brown says it this way, “The good news is that joy, collected over time, fuels resilience — ensuring we’ll have reservoirs of emotional strength when hard things do happen.” https://www.oprah.com/omagazine/catastrophizing-how-to-feel-joy-without-fear

Some ways to find the light and joy of our memories are to share them with others and express gratitude. Writing is also a great tool to get in touch with the deepest parts of our souls and uncover the possibilities for reclaiming the good. Journaling about the light as well as the dark in my childhood helped me collect the joy that became a part of my foundation.

A Trip Down Memory Lane

Last week I had the opportunity to go back to the place of so many of my best childhood memories—San Diego, California.

San Diego was a magical place for me as a child. It was the home of my grandparents and my favorite aunt and cousins. Mom and Dad were on their best behavior there. Grandma made sure we got to go to Sea World and Knot’s Berry Farm; Grandpa took us to the San Diego Zoo and even up to Anaheim to Disneyland each time we came to visit.

I loved playing on the beach, the feel and smell of the ocean, and the freedom from my parents’ dark world while we were there. San Diego was not only full of sunshine, but life-giving light.

My grandparents have passed on, but the joy of my time with them still floats in the ocean air of those childhood memories. All these years later, walking on the beaches and even driving the streets of that childhood oasis, reawakened the happiness and joy of the precious moments spent there.

Owning the Light

But there was a time when I couldn’t fully feel the joy of revisiting San Diego. Those memories were muted by the effects of the abuse that I endured. I found that the pains of childhood traumas often bury the good memories we carry. But it does not mean the joy and light in those memories are gone. And it does not mean that good things were absent in the darkest parts of our lives.

As we work through accepting all the garbage—all the muck—that comes with our trials, our eyes can open to those boxes of light buried in the garbage. Accepting both the trauma and the light enhances our freedom to build a life we can thrive in. https://buildonthelight.com/2024/05/01/power-to-choose/

But it is not enough to simply uncover the pieces of light. We have to own them. Logically acknowledging the existence of the good is not the same as owning it. Owning the good goes beyond our cognitive abilities and has to do with opening our hearts.

Often, we build walls around our hearts for protection. Fears of pain, rejection, emotion, and of shedding tears can limit our ability to feel the full joy of the pieces of light in our lives. Working through the fears helps us open our hearts. Opening up allows the good pieces of life to settle into the deepest parts of our souls. Owning the light they carry gives us the hope and strength to keep going.

Reclaiming the Good

Visiting the place where so much of the light in my childhood happened reminded me of how far I’ve come. Walking on the beaches of San Diego connected the childlike joy in my heart with the beauty around me. My soul was renewed with the conviction that regardless of the pains and heartache we are called to go through, all of us can find light and hope. Each of us, not matter our beginnings, can ultimately thrive in a life that is uniquely our own.