Peace in the Storms

Sometimes life can explode on us, like the hurricane winds ripping through a once peaceful sea. It is difficult to find peace in the storm when pelting rain and blackened skies blind us to the safe port that once guided our journey. Intense pain, fear, and anger can make it difficult to navigate life’s hurricanes. Our strength can fail, and our attempts to stay on course seem futile.

The Hurricane

A few weeks ago, an emotional storm hit me with hurricane strength. Maybe it hit harder because I was unsuspecting. All I saw were clear skies and an easily navigated waterway. Then dark emotions from the past surged, spinning into a blinding storm. In an instant, images of past trauma sucked me into the ferocious winds. The gripping sadness spinning around me overpowered the light . Fear of the emotion kept me from feeling peace in the storm.

I was sucked into looking for the why of the storm, instead of finding a way through it. Why were old emotions haunting me when I had worked so hard to move past them? Why am I still affected by pains and trauma from years ago? Why is God allowing this storm to keep me from moving forward? In the back of my mind, I wondered if the storm was because I was not good enough to make the journey. Maybe I was not worthy of the destination. Why couldn’t my life be like the life of others I admired? Why couldn’t I be more like them?

The more I focused on “why?”, the more the winds and darkness of the storm increased. It was like I lost all navigating capabilities—the storm took over. Confidence in my course was gone.

Why is Not the Question

After being tossed and tormented in a steady decline, it was obvious that “Why?” was not going to get me through it. Just as in the hurricanes in the past, this storm was not the end of the journey. But did I truly believe that? Old fears churned. I wanted the storm to end. I didn’t want to navigate another hurricane. But I did want to complete the journey.

The questions, “What now?”  and “How?” emerged from somewhere in the logs of past experience. Grasping those questions brought me back to the helm of my life and helped me find peace even as the storm raged.

Moving from “Why?” to “What now?”

Facing the Storm

The storm was between me and where I wanted to go. I had to face it and travel through it if I wanted to reach my destination. If I stopped in the middle of the storm, I would drown. The storm would win. So, facing forward, I quit fighting the emotional storm, accepted its severity, and started to navigate my way forward.

This storm was about the pain and trauma of facing death at the hands of my mother when I was just sixteen. I processed the reality of the events years ago in therapy, but the intense emotion was not easily dismissed. It still swirled inside of me until it came forward with hurricane force. I cried storms of tears.

But it wasn’t enough. I had to set pride aside and admit I needed help. Acknowledging my fear and sharing it with trusted loved ones, calmed the winds. In sharing, the fear subsided. This time, the tears were freeing. The dark clouds thinned, and finally sunlight broke over the horizon.

A Journey Worth Continuing

In his almost autobiography, The Christmas Sweater, Glenn Beck shares a powerful insight: “Sometimes the hardest part of the journey is believing you’re worthy of the trip.” Learning to trust our own worth does not lessen the storms, but it does give us strength to navigate them.

The hurricane-like emotional storm I experienced was real. So were the events that caused it. Releasing the emotion and letting go of fear calmed this storm. Choosing to continue the journey not only calmed the storm, but finished it. Those same winds will never blow, and the waters of the next storm will be from a different source. And just as I found peace in this storm, I am confident that there will be peace in the next.

Hurricanes are frightening and all-encompassing. But they do not last. The seas calm and the clouds part, revealing a sun that was there all along. Whatever the traumas we face, the journey is worth continuing.