Eyes to See the Beauty; A Heart Open to Joy

Resolutions, goals, plans. It sounds a bit overwhelming when the burdens of pain, trauma, and their effects are heavy on our shoulders. So how do we embrace this new year? Maybe it’s more about seeing the beauty on the journey than arriving. Seeking to have eyes to see the beauty woven in our life experiences opens us to strength to face our trials with courage. It gives us a heart open to joy.

Fighting Against the Darkness

In the early years of my recovery, I thought that I had to get rid of the intense pain and anguish before the light or beauty could permeate my prison. It was an exhausting fight. Empty and nearing hopelessness, I sank to my knees and pled for help. The turmoil quieted. In that moment, it was like I could see myself sitting in a windowless room. A door softly opened and the light on the other side poured into my room. I was no longer a prisoner of the darkness.

Once I let the light in, the pain and anguish began to heal. New space for beauty opened up in my heart. The blinders trauma caused lifted and I saw moments of beauty in my life. Rumi, a 13^th-century poet, shares beautifully this relationship between dark and light:

“Sorrow prepares you for joy. It violently sweeps everything out of your house, so that new joy can find space to enter. It shakes the yellow leaves from the bough of your heart, so that fresh, green leaves can grow in their place. It pulls up the rotten roots, so that new roots hidden beneath have room to grow. Whatever sorrow shakes from your heart, far better things will take their place.”The Mathnawi of Jalalu’ddin Rumi

It’s true. Our trauma does not have to preclude us from good. It can actually provide a way for us to feel the good more deeply.

Eyes Open

Dealing with the devastating effects of the abuse I suffered made me feel like I was crazy and hopeless. I often found myself buried in the rubble of the life I was desperately trying to build. Hope was lost in the destruction—almost.

But even in the moments of deepest despair, there is a distant, tiny spot of light. Finding the desire to focus on the light uncovered a light inside me. I was not the sum of my experiences, but a worthwhile individual. Beauty is in each of us waiting for us to see it and to share it. We have a choice: we can close our eyes to the beauty and light and hide in fear and pain, or we can believe in and nurture the beauty we are discovering.

Admittedly, sometimes, I work to build on the beauty, only to be knocked down again by resurfacing pain. Sometimes, it feels like the light is just teasing me—a mirage meant to make me believe in something that isn’t there.  But shutting my eyes to the light and beauty makes the pain heavier and eventually unbearable.

The Beauty Within

If we don’t trust in the reality of the light and beauty within us, the anguish will destroy us. If we don’t trust in the light and beauty around us, we loose the power to build a life we can thrive in, the life of beauty we are meant to live in. The ability to see the light and beauty is not a promise of ease or a magic cure, but a promise of better ability to feel the joy on the journey.

The truth is that there is beauty and joy even during the hardest times.  There is strength in claiming the truth that you are a child of Light. The is strength in knowing who you are. You are loved. You are worthy. You are not Shame, you are Strength.

Beauty in the Future

Being willing to have eyes open to see the beauty and a heart open to feel joy takes courage. It’s about acting on the belief that there is beauty ahead, and beauty that sustained and preserved us during our hardest trials. Courage is not the absence of fear, but choosing to believe in spite of our fear. It is about choosing to live in spite of our pain.

Even in our brokenness, we can stop and take in the beauty around us and let it permeate our heart. Healing comes in accepting what is in front of you—the good, the bad, and the unknown. There is beauty in full experiences, not just the “good” parts of each one. As we have the courage to face the pain and anguish life throws at us, our eyes will open to see the beauty that has been a part of our journey.

We have the power to choose what we will do with what we have been. That beautiful truth changes everything. We can choose to believe in and own the beauty within us. That is where we find the power to truly live.