It’s Okay Not to Be Okay: Embracing Healing and Growth

Accepting that it is okay to not be okay freed me from the chains of my trauma. But it did not stop my growth, in fact, it accelerated it.

When I first started my healing journey to confront, process, and heal from the severe abuse inflicted by my parents, my plan was to work hard for a few months and wash my hands of it all. I was eager to move on to a “normal” life. But as often happens in life, our plan does not go how we anticipated regardless of how hard we work.

So what do we do when the storms keep coming? After thirty plus years of a healing journey that has had many light-filled moments and many moments of pain so intense I could not see how I would possibly recover, two profound and life-changing lessons emerged.

Hang on to Hope

First is the need to hang onto hope no matter the darkness of the trial. When I had worked through the majority of the trauma of my childhood and youth, I was hit with another event where the past and present exploded my world. I tried to use the tools I gained, but I weak and too empty to keep up the fight. It was too much. Thoughts of ending my life floated in and out of my mind.   

During that crucial time in my journey, I heard this message in a conference for people seeking Jesus Christ: “Believe in miracles. I have seen so many of them come when every other indication would say that hope was lost. Hope is never lost. If those miracles do not come soon or fully or seemingly at all, remember the Savior’s own anguished example: if the bitter cup does not pass, drink it and be strong, trusting in happier days ahead. Jeffrey R Holland

Free to Move Forward

In a quiet moment of contemplating that Gospel message, the Holy Spirit whispered, “It is okay not to be okay. The Lord loves you anyway.” The thought of His love washed away the despair. After letting go of many tears, finally, a light broke through my darkness. It was okay not to be okay. The Lord understood my pain and was willing to walk with me through my anguish.

Accepting that I didn’t have to be perfect or live up to any standard of okayness, freed me from the chains of my trauma. But it did not stop my growth, in fact, it accelerated it. Somewhere in that message, I was able to let go of my own expectations. I did not give up on my intent to live a Gospel-centered life, but opened my heart to the love the Savior offers even when we are at our weakest.

It Is Okay to Not Be Okay

Facing the truths of our pain is never as easy as others may say it should be. The intensity of the fear and powerlessness that accompany the pain affects our confidence in moving forward and sometimes clouds our ability to see our life’s worth. Letting the pain out in productive ways—crying, physical activity, talking, etc.—frees us from its stranglehold and allows us to internalize the strengthening emotions of joy, peace, and love. Your life can be filled with light and hope. You were meant to find happiness in this life. Healing Truths

This last week as I worked on preparing my book to be published as an audiobook, it took me back through some of the most intense, emotional, and heartbreaking times of my life. The message, it is okay not to be okay, came fully to the surface again. In re-reading my own story, I was reminded of times that I had to let go of the desire for perfection. I had to be okay with not being okay and find the joy that was around me anyway. Joy in a beautiful sunrise, in the song of a bird, in laughter, and in simple time with family.

Healing, Acceptance and Finding Peace

I learned that maybe healing is less about a restoration of things lost and more about acceptance of the things we’ve been given. Yesterday, someone shared that when we can’t give 100% because of physical or mental limitations, focus on the 20% we can give. Find joy in what we have instead of languishing over what we don’t.

Sometimes, we get too caught up in “shoulds” and don’t give ourselves enough grace. But in the end, even with simple tasks left undone and heartfelt projects waiting on the sidelines, it is important to remember that the love and acceptance the Savior has for us are not dependent on what we do. He understands what we have been through and what we have overcome. Jesus Christ knows what still weighs on our hearts. He does not want us to box away or shame the parts of us that fall short. Let Him walk with us, lift us, and carry us when necessary. He will give us what we need. We can echo the words of a father as he sought the Savior’s healing for his ailing son, “I believe, Help Thou my unbelief” Mark 9:24

Is overcoming and healing from the severe effects of trauma possible? Yes! The paths to healing differ as greatly as the individuals afflicted, but the essential elements in the healing process are the same regardless of those differences. Holding on to hope through the dark times helps strengthen our capacity to overcome. Overcoming Abuse: The Power of Hope in Healing

“Be not afraid, only believe.” Mark 5:36