Reclaiming Your Identity After Trauma

Trauma often keeps us from seeing beyond its effects. Our identity can be lost in a sea of diagnoses, treatments, and the struggle to find our way forward. It makes it difficult to see ourselves clearly. But our trauma does not have to define us. We can reclaim our identity after the trauma. The first step is to remember that the pain, anger, dissociation, and weaknesses we have to face are not a reflection of who we are, but simply the result of the trauma we endured.

A Cover-Up

My trauma came in the form of childhood abuse. It turned my life into a focus on survival instead of a journey of discovering and deciding the person I wanted to be. Abusers teach that the abuse is the victim’s fault. That untruth transforms into the lie that if only we are strong enough, have enough faith, or are blindly focused on the good, the effects would simply go away. Our true identity is hidden behind the lies, and an epic cover-up takes place in a desperate effort to survive.

For me, abuse broke me into what felt like a thousand pieces. There was part of me that felt guilt for being the kind of person who would be abused. Parts of me felt weak. Parts of me were angry. So much of my energy was spent in trying to mitigate the pain by keeping it hidden that I lost touch with my core self.

Honestly, I was afraid to let the real me out. I didn’t want the real me to be hurt again. Healing meant working through the fears and believing that each broken part of me had something worthwhile to add to the whole. How Abuse Skews Our Identity

Your Trauma Does Not Have to Define You

Facing the truths of our pain is never as easy as others may say it should be. The intensity of the fear and powerlessness that accompany the pain affect our confidence in moving forward and sometimes cloud our ability to see our life’s worth. Letting the pain out in productive ways—crying, physical activity, talking, etc.—frees us from its stranglehold and allows us to internalize the strengthening emotions of joy, peace, and love. Your life can be filled with light and hope. You are meant to find happiness in this life.

Accepting that we did not have control over the abuse—or its effects—frees us. We can determine the direction our life takes from here on. Our trauma does not have to define us. We are more than a diagnosis; we are more than the trauma that altered our lives. We can reclaim our identity after trauma.

Healing Is Possible

Healing will come, but it’s okay to not be okay some days. The self-reclamation process is a process. It takes patience, direction, and hard work. My own reclamation project has not been on my proposed schedule. There have been detours, hold-ups, and reconfigurations of the construction process. But, trusting the process has brought me into a more fulfilling and stable life than I could have ever imagined.

Does that mean my life is trouble-free? No. But when we focus on healing our trauma, it can be beautiful just the same. No matter the pile of rubble we find ourselves in, we can ultimately build a full and light-filled life.

Reclaiming Your Identity After Trauma

The trauma and its effects are part of our experience, but they do not define us. Many of the people I encounter with PTSD or other mental health struggles are resigned to thinking they are stuck—that these struggles are their identity. But having hope in something better than what we can see during the times of struggle can help us regain the whole of who we are. Our struggles are only a part of us, they are not who we are. Reclaiming our identity after the trauma is crucial in our healing.

The choice is ours, and we have to ask: Will I allow my trauma to determine who I am or the caliber of life I live? Or will I own my life and be the me I was meant to be?

We cannot choose the past, but we can build a future by mining the strengths and goodness inside us. Ultimately, we can choose to stay in the muck of the pain and anguish, or we can choose to own our lives and discover and nurture our true identities as individual, cherished, and gifted children of a loving, kind Eternal Being.

Resources:

The Veteran’s Administration is a great resource even if your PTSD is not a result of military service. They give the following guidelines in dealing with PTSD:

Know That Recovery Is a Process

Following a traumatic event most people experience stress reactions. Understand that recovering from the trauma is a process and takes time. Knowing this will help you feel more in control. A few tips:

Having an ongoing response to the trauma is normal.

Recovery is an ongoing, daily process. It happens little by little. It is not a matter of being cured all of a sudden.

Healing doesn’t mean forgetting traumatic events. It doesn’t mean you will have no pain or bad feelings when thinking about them.

Healing may mean fewer symptoms and symptoms that bother you less.

Healing means more confidence that you will be able to cope with your memories and symptoms. You will be better able to manage your feelings.

Positive Coping Actions

Certain actions can help to reduce your distressing symptoms and make things better. Plus, these actions can result in changes that last into the future. Here are some positive coping methods:

• Learn about trauma and PTSD.
• Talk to others for support.
• Practice relaxation methods (like meditation, time in nature, prayer, listening to quiet music, etc) While relaxation techniques can be helpful, in a few people they can sometimes increase distress at first. Most often, continuing with relaxation in small amounts that you can handle will help reduce negative reactions. You may want to try mixing relaxation in with music, walking, or other activities.
• Distract yourself with positive activities. Pleasant activities can improve your mood, limit the harm caused by PTSD, and help you rebuild your life.
• Talking to your doctor or a counselor about trauma and PTSD