Embracing the Past and Moving Forward

Sometimes, past hurts creep up and haunt us. They divert our attention from the present and trip us up in our forward progress. We want to ignore them, but by embracing the past, we are moving forward. Accepting that even the broken and hurting parts of us have something beautiful to bring to the present can free us to build a life we can thrive in. The hauntings of the past do not need to poison our future.

The Danger of Ignoring the Past

If we don’t accept and process the truth of past trauma, it will continue to poison our life. Many well-intended friends advise me not to “worry” about the past, suggesting that ignoring it would make it go away. What I found is that as long as I was willing to keep my trauma buried, I was shackled by it. Facing the demons and being willing to trust there is a way through the trauma releases us from the effects of the abuse we have suffered.

“Unresolved trauma can have the ability to be debilitating if not addressed. So many are scared to talk about what happened, or maybe they are in denial and think nothing happened at all. In my experience, it is far more damaging to white knuckle your way through life, clenching onto your trauma. You deserve to live a life free of traumatic experiences you did not cause or create. Yes, it might be uncomfortable to process through the trauma you’ve been so good at pushing under the rug, but it will be worthwhile. I tell my clients that it might get worse before it gets better, but holding onto it ensures you never get better.” Clare Rolquin, MSW, LCSW-A  https://www.choosingtherapy.com/clare-rolquin-msw-lcsw-a/

Embracing the past frees us to move forward.

Focus Forward

Recently, seemingly small events brought to the surface intense and confused emotions from my childhood and youth. At first, I was angry. Didn’t all the emotional healing work of the last 20 years count for anything? Hadn’t I dealt with enough? But the anger only stopped my forward motion. Storms of sadness and fear trapped me in the emotions of the past. I prayed for deliverance from pain, but instead of an instant stopping of the storm, opportunities to look outside myself came. I ran errands for a loved one who needed help and worked with my husband on simple cleaning tasks. Eventually, the clouds lifted, and I regained the power to focus forward.

But the pain was not gone. In an effort to move forward and on from those old emotions, I realized that having that pain come again to the surface was a gift. When current events trigger us, it is a sign that old wounds still need to be healed. So we have a choice—do we re-box up the pain and put it away, or is it time to accept it and process it? With an open heart and mind, I turned to the Savior for direction. On the path in front of me were scenes of brokenness that needed healing. The direction became clear: Rather than go with that hurting part of me into the past, I invited her to move forward in the present. It meant accepting her trauma and pain and sharing with her my hope for the future.

Beauty in the Brokenness

Severe trauma, especially when suffered in childhood, can cause dissociative splits in our psyche. It’s like a part of us is broken away from our core selves in an attempt to keep the intense pain from destroying the whole.  When we refuse to accept and process our pains and heartache, we lose a beautiful piece of ourselves. The light in our present—and our future—is dimmed without us even realizing it. Behind the trauma that each broken part of us carries is a beauty that is needed here and now.  So much of the freedom, light, and power we crave is held by the very parts of us we want to ignore and cloak in denial. We can reclaim that freedom, light, and power.

Moving forward does not mean leaving the hurt parts of us in the past. It means accepting our brokenness and holding onto hope for an all-encompassing healing. “You deserve life. You deserve dignity. You deserve a chance at hope and love.” –Danielle Morelli Survivor Shift: Episode 6. This message is for every part of us. Embracing even the hurting parts of ourselves adds power to our ability to move forward and build a life we can thrive in.

Embracing the Gift of Growth

When trauma hangs over so many parts of our childhood and youth, moving forward is a daunting task. At times, the burdens seem unbearable. Embracing it is the last thing we want to do. Escaping the pain seems a better option. But learning to embrace the parts of us stuck in the past gives us the strength to move forward. Freeing the broken parts of us to live in the present brings a new intensity to the light in the present and opens our eyes to beauty that was once cloaked in pain.