Learning to Trust Again After Sexual Trauma

Building trust—or relearning to trust—after sexual trauma starts with understanding and respecting your own boundaries. It begins with accepting that you need to protect yourself. While the hurricane of pain and anguish after sexual trauma rages, we instinctively build a fortress around our heart and deepest parts of our soul to prevent further damage. Hurt, betrayal, and disappointment make up the large, cold stones of the fortress walls. And honestly, it makes sense to protect a fractured soul from more destruction.

If you break your leg, more than likely you need a cast. The more extensive the damage, the more protection needed to heal properly. Sometimes a broken leg requires intensive procedures, physical therapy, and extra healing time. A cast can protect a broken leg while the internal healing takes place. Then, at the appropriate time, it needs to be taken off so the muscles can be used and provide the freedom of unrestricted movement again.

It is the same with our souls. Sometimes the pain and anguish we carry require extra measures of help—professional counseling, medication, etc. In every case, safe connections with the people around us can help give us the strength we need to heal.

Opening the Gate

Luckily, every fortress includes a door or gate that lets the person inside manage how they connect with the outside world. Instead of being taken off suddenly like a cast, the gate to our fortress opens gradually—just a little at a time. We have the power to decide who and what to let in.

Opening my own fortress gate was (and still is) one of the most difficult things for me to do. There is safety in hiding from the world behind the fortress and viewing life from protected windows angled to obscure my “enemy’s” view. I had to learn to trust that not all of the outside world was destructive.

Eventually, I felt strong enough to open the gate when it felt safe. The first guest I allowed in was my Higher Power. In His presence, the dark walls of fear were transformed into walls that radiated light. As I learned to better judge what or who was safe, the door was rebuilt, enlarged, and the rusty hinges replaced. The most freeing lesson I learned is that I get to control the gate. I get to decide when to venture out and when to allow trusted guests in.

A Healing Place

I used to think I needed to dismantle my fortress. But life has taught me that my fortress is a gift—a healing place, where I can find strength to face the world again. Sometimes, when hurricanes resurface, I still retreat behind the gate of my fortress with only my trusted Higher Power. It is a place to find rest and healing from the barrage of pain and fear that sometimes haunt me. And when I’m ready, I can choose to open the gate and take in the beauty, love, and growth that the outside world offers.

It’s important to recognize what you are comfortable with and where you need to draw lines to protect yourself. The act of trusting others involves being selective about whom you allow close to you. You have the power to choose your team—those people who respect your boundaries and provide support. While there will always be reasons to hesitate, the choice to trust is a conscious one. The risk may seem scary, and sometimes it feels impossible, but isolation is not meant to be part of our human experience. We are wired for connection. Reclaiming the Light

Practicing Trust

It is important to recognize that practicing trust is not just about rebuilding our lives after trauma; it is fundamentally about reclaiming our soul. The aftermath of pain can leave us feeling buried beneath emotional debris, with both visible and hidden wounds that need attention. Sometimes, we may try to distance ourselves from the damage, treating it as something separate that simply needs to be fixed. While this perspective can offer temporary relief, true healing requires us to actively engage in the process and trust ourself, our Master Architect, and our team.

Relearning trust is an intentional practice that begins with small steps. Make the decision to trust, even in small ways, and then look for signs that validate those choices. One of the most significant indicators that trust is well-placed is a sense of peace within. This peace signals that internal healing is taking place. Finding the courage to trust can open our eyes to the beauty that permeates a darkened world. It allows a deeper healing of the heart and soul. It allows the kindnesses, compassion, and even good intentions of others to beautify the walls of our fortress.

Reclaiming our soul is not an event that happens once and is then complete. Instead, it is an ongoing journey. Trust in the process. Each time we revisit the steps of healing, we discover new strength and deeper understanding. With each step forward, we gain clarity about who we are and the profound value of our souls in this vast and beautiful universe.