Healing Through Spirit-Body Connection

Since the time I was a child, I have viewed my body and spirit as separate entities. The spirit-body connection alluded me. As an adult I have come to understand intellectually the inherent connectedness of the two. But the severe sexual abuse I endured as a child has made it difficult to internalize the truths I learned. After all, my body was the source of my pain. It felt easier to deal with the brokenness of my spirit than the violation of my body.

The belief that I had a Heavenly Father and that He loved me helped heal the spiritual brokenness. Still, it was hard to reconcile that reality with the constant and heavy burden of feeling unworthy and ugly. It seemed that the ugliness came from not being good enough. I tried to wash it away by shutting down the connection between the spiritual and physical parts of me. Somehow, I lost part of my identity to the spirit-body disconnect that I was sure would save me. It was a desperate delusion that to be of worth I had to become someone else, or at least act like someone else. I lost a big part of myself in the process. I still believed that God loved me but I couldn’t feel it.

Quest for Wholeness

The worth of the people around me was obvious. The desire to feel the same love for myself that I felt for others led me to pray earnestly to be able to see myself as Heavenly Father sees me. Suddenly, I could see not only my emotional and spiritual pain, but the hurt my body endured. I could not find wholeness without helping my physical self to heal. My body was not the cause of my pain; the people who abused it were. My body is an integral part of who I am and a gift from God. I caught more glimpses of Heavenly Father’s love as I worked to be positive and grateful for the physical part of my identity.

In my quest for wholeness, I learned that complete healing cannot take place without reconnecting my spirit and body. Finding that connection came in stages. First, I learned that physical healing is tied to our spiritual healing. I had to quiet the negativity in my mind and look for evidence of the beautiful and peaceful elements of life. Letting down the walls around my heart allowed them to find a home inside me.

Second, I had to work at processing old hurts and correcting misconceptions. The most prominent misconception was that I was inherently evil and trying to force myself to be otherwise. It often felt like a losing battle because it was too terrifying to accept that my parents hurt me because of who they were NOT because of who I was. Uncovering the root of that belief and accepting the truth of it woke up a strength in me. Accepting truth opened doors to becoming whole.

Reclaiming My Body

We cannot have a spirit-body connection without getting in tune with the body God blessed us with. Bessel van der Kolk stated, “In order to change, people need to become aware of their sensations and the way that their bodies interact with the world around them. Physical self-awareness is the first step in releasing the tyranny of the past.” The Body Keeps the Score

How do we reclaim our spirit-body connection? During my quest for more healing, a friend mentioned a boot camp workout class she was leading. It sounded like just the jolt I needed. At the first class, Rachael asked if I liked soreness—the good kind she called it—I knew I was in for a challenge. By nature, I am cautious and do things in a small, quiet way. Sometimes I feel like a wimp. Determined to push myself to the next level, I gave boot camp my best effort. For three weeks Rachael coached me on form and helped me tailor the exercises to my ability. My body ached but my energy increased with each workout. I felt invigorated mentally.

A few weeks into my training, I struggled to push a kettle bell over my head, slowly pushing its weight into the air. Rachael told me my weight was too light if I could lift it slowly. “Put it up in one burst of energy” she said. It reminded me of a workout when my oldest daughter showed me how forcing my breath out with lots of energy taps into more strength. I tried it with my kettle bell and shot the weight almost effortlessly above my head. A surge of excitement was released, pushing past the limitation my brain was sure I had.

Yes, my body ached and I had to adjust my workout to accommodate my arthritis, but learning how strong I really am physically has opened eyes to more spiritual strength.

Forging the Spirit-Body Connection

The muscle pain of those workouts reminded me of looking a challenge in the face and beating it. And the effects of breaking the barrier were not limited to my physical ability. My spirit responded with a positive energy that surpassed anything I felt in years. I felt more of a connection with God and the beauty in the world around me. It was like blowing apart the barriers of limitations on every level of my life. A new spirit-body connection was forged.

A lesson I continue to learn is that there is healing in forging the spirit-body connection. Pursuing physical and spiritual awareness and growth uncovers strength and the ability to move forward. We can build a life we love and can thrive in, regardless of the trials we face. Healing Emotional Trauma