Lessons from a Second Father

A father’s influence is something that can be felt for generations. For good or bad we carry with us the lessons learned by their actions and how they lived their life. While my biological father’s influence was not a good one, I was fortunate to have lessons from a second father, Lane. 

Lane was my father-in-law and a little rough around the edges.  He was a cowboy, or more appropriately, a horseman. He was driven and hardworking.  Lane played as hard as he worked and loved nature and being in the backcountry. He told people what he thought and sometimes wasn’t very nice about it. But still he was surprisingly easy to talk to and earned the respect and even honor of most of those who knew him.   

Gifts From a Second Father

I felt a connection and a comfort with Lane. He treated me differently than he did anyone else.  He was considerate and kind.  Lane cared about my opinions.  He wasn’t affectionate, but I knew he approved of me.  I felt strong and confident when I was around him.  I was grateful for this second father.

Loss

Lane’s legs collapsed suddenly in 1993 and he was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. His heart softened and he was more reflective about life and family. Lane lost the use of his legs, but found God. 

In the fall of 1997, he was diagnosed with kidney cancer.  The doctors called the surgery successful.  By spring the cancer came back with a vengeance.  It was a dry spring.  The pansies my mother-in-law, Carol, had planted struggled in the heat.  Lane and I had lunch together almost every day while he struggled with the effects of the chemotherapy and his worsening MS.  We talked about everything–and nothing.  In quiet moments there were glimpses of his passing soon.  He shared concerns about his two sons, his grandchildren and his wife. 

In July of 1998, he suffered a stroke.  The next few days, family was near and many of his concerns were quieted.  Another stroke rendered him unresponsive.  On a quiet morning, Lane’s concerns about Carol were eased as my husband held his father’s hand and promised to take care of her.  Lane relaxed. Later that day, Lane passed on with Carol by his side. My second father was gone.

Lessons From a Second Father

Three days after his death, I had a dream.  I was kneeling at a grave, and Lane came to me.  He looked different—there was calmness in his eyes.  He told me how he had needlessly carried burdens his whole life that made his heart hard and unable to fully let others in.  When he got to the other side, the power of the Grace offered by Jesus Christ became clear to him.  He now had taken full advantage of it and wanted me to do the same and to take my hurts, my failings, my fears, and doubts to the Savior and let Him heal me. I said nothing.  He left me with a final message: “Waste no time with regrets.”  And he left. 

The lessons learned from a second father, have calmed the turmoil caused by the man who raised me. While there are still aches and pains and other difficulties of life, Lane’s reminder to soften my heart has helped me find direction in my own life, pointing the way to peace and love. I will be forever grateful for Lane and the influence for good he has been in my life.

The Gift: Healing the Child Within