Embracing Womanhood: Healing Mother’s Day Heartache
Mother’s Day can be a dagger-filled time for many. Healing our Mother’s Day heartache and learning to embrace our womanhood can seem impossible. Some women who long for children wonder why their hopes are unfulfilled. For others, the joy of having children is haunted by guilt for not measuring up to a mythical standard. And for some, never knowing their own mother’s love leaves a hole that is hard to fill.
In every case, the heartache of our losses distorts our ability to see our worth. It distorts our ability to see the fuller vision of what motherhood—and even womanhood—really are. So, what is motherhood really all about? Motherhood is about womanhood. It’s not about bearing children so much as it is about nurturing and lifting others while being true to ourselves and to God. It’s about tapping into and living up to the divine potential within us. Healing the Child Within
Overcoming Mother’s Day Heartache
The pain from the relationship I had with my own mom rears its ugly head on Mother’s Day with greater force than any other day of the year. Even though I no longer have contact with her, the ache of the abuse I suffered at her hands continues to haunt me.
The hurt of not growing up with a mother’s love is difficult to overcome. I prayed fervently as a child for my mother to love me and spent enormous amounts of energy trying to be good enough to deserve her love when I was small. When I was a teenager, I rebelled against my own efforts, tired of feeling less-than and unworthy. As an adult, I simply felt lost in how to fix the hole inside me.
Even when I am a part of good and loving relationships, feeling the full impact of that love is often difficult. When I let my guard down enough to feel the love, the vulnerability that comes with it is often too much to take. Up come the guards again and I can feel my heart harden. Then when I am hard-hearted, the lonely ache from my childhood returns.
Embracing Womanhood
So, how do we use the light we are given to combat the lonely aches caused by the trauma in our lives? How do we heal our Mother’s Day heartache and embrace our womanhood? First, we must embrace the truth of who we are. One of my favorite authors puts it this way:
“Noble and great. Courageous and determined. Faithful and fearless. That is who you are and who you have always been. And understanding it can change your life, because this knowledge carries a confidence that cannot be duplicated any other way.”— Sheri L. Dew
These truths open our hearts to blessings scattered throughout our lives. Embracing the truth of who I am helped me recapture the kindness of women who blessed my growing-up years. Broken places in my heart were healed by women like my kindergarten teacher, who showed me the beauty in the world, and youth leaders at church, who believed in me and cheered my efforts to succeed.
The blessings continue in my adult life. Some women bless me with unconditional love. Others’ encouraging words and examples of poise and grace. Some have helped me maintain hope in dark times by their unwavering faith. Still others have accepted me with open hearts and helped me experience the light-hearted fun parts of life. Life is teaching me that God cannot make the people who should love us, love us. But he can (and does) surround us with people who will.
The True Source of Love
While the kindness and love of others help soften the mother pains of our souls, healing comes with learning to tap into the gift of love each of us carry in our hearts regardless of our experiences. It is a gift given to us before we ever came to earth. All of us were nurtured, loved and cared for and prepared for this earthly existence. The love of a kind and loving God was planted in our hearts to sustain us during all of life’s experiences.
The heart-filling love we receive through others simply reminds us of a love that is already there. It can give us confidence to live a fuller life. But we do not have to wait to receive love to give it. In fact, experimenting with showing love and practicing kindness opens our hearts to a full-circle kind of life.
The daggers of Mother’s Day still fly. But embracing the beauty of our womanhood can heal the broken places in our hearts. Our lives can be filled with the light, love, and joy we crave. May we all embrace our worth and find joy in celebrating the light of womanhood.
