Healing Trauma: Repairing Your Life’s Foundation

Trauma—like an earthquake—rumbles through our life, wreaking havoc and destroying what we once thought was beautiful and stable. Just like a building that has been ravaged by an earthquake, restoration of our life will not be effective without repairing and strengthening the parts of us that lie beneath the surface. A firm foundation is critical in rebuilding a life that has been devastated by trauma.

Foundations

For most of my adult life, I have worked at designing houses for my husband (a licensed contractor) to build. I love sketching a floor plan that is functional and inviting and putting it together with an exterior look that enhances the overall beauty. But to transform what I envision into a usable home, great attention has to be given to the details of the house’s foundation. Even the overall look of the house is dependent on the design of its foundation.

A foundation is an intricate system of footings, strategically placed supports, and stabilizing piers designed to hold up the structure. Licensed professionals are consulted to ensure that the ground is stable and that the correct supports are added in a way to strengthen the entire building. When done correctly, the foundation gives the house stability during winds, rains, and even earthquakes.

Building a Life

Building a life is much like building a house. It is fun to plan and envision the types of things we want to be part of our life and what we want it to look like. But do we look much at what’s beneath the surface?

We really don’t have much control over the site our life will be built on. Even the beginning of our lives—the commencement of its construction—is out of our control. We are born into a family, in a neighborhood, city, and country that we have no say about. And the events of our childhood are the first elements of our foundations.

What kind of foundation are you building your life on?

Healing Our Trauma and Building Again

In my early thirties, the life I worked on building as an adult was taking shape. I found a good life rhythm balancing husband, children, and business. However, the better I felt about my life, the more aware I was of the emptiness inside me regarding my childhood.

Pictures from my childhood haunted me—like still-life photos challenging me to remember the rest of the story. I prayed earnestly for healing and the walls between the past and present crumbled. When the missing pieces of my childhood came into view with scenes of physical, sexual, and Satan-worshipping abuse, the ground beneath quaked. The life I so carefully constructed shattered into a thousand pieces, revealing gaping holes in its foundation.

After a time of metaphorically sitting in the rubble, I realized I had a choice. I could remain a victim of my trauma, or I could seek help to clear the rubble and begin to build again. Healing trauma commanded my focus.

Truth and Rebuilding a Strong Foundation

When building or repairing a house, we first seek the help of engineers and other professionals to address the imperfections and determine the needed strengthening supports. It is the same when remodeling our life. We need professionals to help us learn where the weaknesses in our lives are and find the tools we need to make the repairs. I’ve had to accept that we don’t have control over all the elements that will be used in our life construction. But we can determine which elements we will bring to the process. I have found that truth is a universally needed element in building and sustaining a resilient life. Healing Truths

Truth 1: Accept the reality of your trauma.

For me, accepting the reality of the physical and sexual abuse I suffered at the hands of my parents was the beginning of fixing the holes in my foundation. I had to replace the blank spots in childhood with harsh truths. Even though the truths were heart-breaking, accepting them strengthened me.  

Truth 2: Accept the reality of the damage the trauma caused.

Simply accepting that bad things happen does not repair our foundation. We must feel the feelings and process emotion. Often, there is anger and pain so intense that it results in PTSD, dissociation, and/or the inability to connect with others on a deep emotional level. Working through emotion helps lessen the effects and opens us to healing.

Accepting the truth of the extent damage we suffered frees us to rebuild.

Truth 3: Accept that the effects of trauma are not a reflection of who we are.

The pain, anger, dissociation, and weaknesses we have to face are not a reflection of who we are, but simply the result of the trauma we endured. Abuse victims are taught that the abuse is their fault. That untruth transforms into the lie that if only we were strong enough or had enough faith or were simply focused on the good, the effects would simply go away. Accepting that we did not have control over the abuse—or its effects—frees us to act on the truth that we can determine the direction our life takes from here on.

Truth 4: Accept that healing is possible.

Building or remodeling a life is not an easy process. It takes patience, direction, and hard work.

My own life-build project has not been on my proposed schedule. There have been detours, hold-ups and re-configuring of the construction process. But trusting the process has brought me into a more fulfilling and stable life than I could ever have imagined. Perfect? No. But when we focus on healing our trauma, it can be beautiful just the same.

A Sure Foundation

One of my favorite teachings of Jesus is the reminder to “build [our] house upon a rock” so that when “the rain descend[s], and the floods [come], and the winds [blow] and beat upon that house; and it [falls] not: for it [is] founded upon a rock.” (Matthew 7:24-25) Truth is the rock we can build on. And trusting in “a Power greater than ourselves” aa.org helps us secure our life on a sure foundation.

No matter the pile of rubble we find ourselves in, we can ultimately build a full and light-filled life.