The Healing Power of Forgiveness

The healing power of forgiveness can often evade those who have been severely hurt by the actions of others. Often, the idea of forgiveness is promoted as an eraser for any ill-feelings with the primary goal of reuniting the wounded with their perpetrator. Why would someone who has been abused and suffered at the hands of others want to reunite with their abusers? The idea of it creates a barrier between those seeking for healing and the peace and strength forgiveness offers.

Anger and Pain

Anger is a natural and valid response to pain inflicted by the actions of others. But it is only a secondary emotion. Behind the anger is generally hurt and/or fear. Holding onto the anger inhibits our ability to move forward, but letting go of the anger can seem near impossible. Sometimes, we don’t want to let go of it. Doesn’t the abuser deserve my anger? Doesn’t my anger ensure my protection? Yes, the abuser does deserve our anger. But while initial anger can help us get away from the danger, prolonged anger only weakens us.

When we have been severely hurt, letting go of anger is a process. We need help in finding healing for the pain and fear behind it. The only way to freedom is in learning to forgive our abusers. In the beginning of my emotional healing process, I rushed to forgive. I thought that forgiving my parents would erase all the bad and keep me from having to open more boxes of trauma. But the attempt to bury the pain with superficial forgiving unleashed hurricanes of anger and fear. The anger haunted my attempts to forgive and guilt for the anger came with it.

Holding onto the anger and not being willing to forgive doused the light I so desperately needed. Trying to use forgiveness as an escape only tightened the hold the trauma had on me. Either way, there was no moving forward. Pain, anger, and fear grew into a burden so heavy it stopped my forward progress. I wanted to be released from the weight, but didn’t know how.

Forgiveness is NOT an “F” Word!

In my own search for healing, I looked to teachings of my “Higher Power”, Jesus. There had to be more to His invitation to forgive than the simplified lines that others so often repeated. I read whole chapters instead of single verses in the New Testament, searching in Jesus’ own words for answers.

In Matthew, chapter 18 (before the counsel to forgive “seventy times seven”) Jesus said, “But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea.” (King James Version, Matt. 18.6) With those words, a soft voice touched my heart. “He weeps over your pain and is angered at the abuse and trauma poured on you and others at the hands of your parents.” Relief that my pain and anger were heard and carried by One much stronger than me, lightened my burden. The Lord’s love and care for “the little ones” comforted my pain and opened my eyes to a clearer picture of forgiveness.

I didn’t need to fix the hate but allow it to be healed. I learned I could lay my anguish, hate, anger and bitterness at the feet of my loving “Higher Power”. True forgiveness is not okaying the abuse but trusting that it can be healed. AND it does not mean a renewed relationship if that relationship can cause harm.

Strength in Accepting a Higher Power

Forgiveness—Part of a Healthy Lifestyle

The positive effects of forgiveness go beyond the religious or spiritual aspects. In recent years, psychologists have noted the positive effects of forgiveness on our overall health:

“Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting or excusing the harm done to you. It also doesn’t necessarily mean making up with the person who caused the harm. Forgiveness brings a kind of peace that allows you to focus on yourself and helps you go on with life…

• Healthier relationships
• Improved mental health
• Less anxiety, stress and hostility
• Fewer symptoms of depression
• Lower blood pressure
• A stronger immune system
• Improved heart health
• Improved self-esteem.”

https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/forgiveness/art-20047692

Freedom and Healing

Letting go of anger, bitterness, and hate opens us to the freedom and healing power of forgiveness. It is not about pretending we were not hurt or that the hurt doesn’t matter. Healing comes with being willing to move beyond the pain to building a life to thrive in. Ultimately, forgiveness is not about the other person, but about giving up burdens so that we can use our strength to move forward. Choosing forgiveness is choosing freedom.