Reclaim Our True Self—Reclaim Power

Powerlessness. Its lasting effects can be the difficult to overcome. The truth is that the only real way to reclaim our power is to reclaim our true self.

Lost

Childhood abuse leaves an indelible mark on our souls. The pain caused by abuse during our growing and developing years changes how we see ourselves and the world. It affects how our thought-processes work. Our true self can be lost in the whirlpool of emotion.

The deep and often hidden sense of powerlessness can trigger responses that actually keep us from healing. Sometimes, we close our hearts, shut off emotion, and limit personal interactions. After all, they can be emotionally, mentally and even physically exhausting. But this walled-heart state limits our ability to move forward in personal progress. It can even inhibit our ability to feel connection and joy—a very base need of the human experience.

Fake Identities

Another response is to take on the persona our abusers have tried to force on us. In the case of neglect or abandonment, we take on the mask of acting aloof and like we don’t need anyone. We work hard at subtly—and sometimes not so subtly—pushing people away. We convince ourselves we would rather be alone, because that makes us feel like we are in control.

When we have been sexually abused, the persona we often accept is that our “worth” lies only in our sexuality. We lose sight of our complete self in a mess of confusion. Sexual abuse violates our very core. It disrupts—if not destroys—our sense of self-worth, our innocence, and power. It poisons us and the world around us. The absolute powerlessness that comes with it is haunting and colors how we see ourselves and others the rest of our lives.

Many times, victims of sexual abuse resort to ongoing self-destructive behaviors in a pretense of being in control. It temporarily helps counter the awful feeling of helplessness we lived with as a child. The ability to reclaim power after abuse is lost in the confused internal fight. Power can only be reclaimed by looking past what our abusers saw and finding our true self.

Reclaim Our True Self

So, how do we find our true self? Each healing journey is unique, but here are five things I have found to be crucial in moving beyond the trauma and finding myself:

Don’t Run from the truth

Acknowledging the truth of the pain we have been through is the first step in healing—and it can be the scariest. Many well-intended friends advised me not to “worry” about the past, suggesting that ignoring it would make it go away. What I found is that as long as I was willing to keep my abusers’ secrets, I was shackled by them.

If we don’t accept and process the truth of the trauma, it will continue to poison our life. We will be trapped in the fake persona our abusers created for us. Facing the demons and being willing to trust there is a way through the trauma, releases us from our abusers’ grasp. It helps us reclaim our power.

Reach Out

Abuse of any kind undermines our sense of self-worth and alienates us from society in general. It can seem near impossible to find the energy to reach beyond ourselves or even see beyond the pain we have endured. But reaching out can free us from the prison of abuse. In an interview with Danielle Morelli about her healing journey, she emphasized the absolute necessity of building a community of people you can trust. She encourages us to “find the courage to find your people.” Survivor Shift: Episode 6

Part of the community building process is in finding ways to help others. Helping others gives us a peak at the worth of our true selves. It gives us the strength to challenge the self-defeating thoughts and behaviors that keep us stuck in the past.

Accept Powerlessness

Often, we claim responsibility for our abusers’ actions because it eases the sense of absolute powerlessness. Believing we are “bad,” means we were in control of the situation instead of our abuser. Truly, the only power we have is to accept that our brokenness comes from the abuse, not an innate badness that we must overcome.

“When you accept that you were powerless over the past — that you did not do anything wrong, that trauma happened to you — you can become present in your current life. Accepting powerlessness will help you move from a state of hypervigilance or hyperarousal to a state of presence, where you can be in your current life, existing within your window of tolerance of emotions, thinking and feeling at the same time.” (https://brickelandassociates.com/control-as-a-trauma-response-knowing-you-were-powerless-helps-you-heal/)

Recognizing that we have the power to choose what we will do with what we have been given changes everything. We do not have to remain victims. We can reclaim the power to choose which path our lives will follow.

Accept God

It can be difficult to accept that there is a higher power when enduring perpetual pain. However, when we accept there is more to this life than we know, believing in a power higher than ourselves can open our eyes to who we truly are—loved, strong, and deserving of something better.

When we open our hearts to God, we allow the good pieces of life to settle into the deepest parts of our souls. Uncovering the most hurt part of ourselves and inviting them into the present gives us power to determine where we go from here. And it is there that we find our true selves and can reclaim power over our lives.

Choose to Live

Recognizing and owning the light sprinkled all around us gives us the hope and strength to keep going. I know that healing is possible regardless of the pain and anguish we struggle with. Healing does not mean perfect life or perfect self, but it does mean getting to a place where the light in the present can help dissipate the darkness surrounding our pain.

Today, we can reclaim our power and choose which part of our past experiences to build on.