Freedom in Sharing

When the trauma of my childhood exploded into my adult life, I found freedom in sharing. Honestly, it wasn’t a choice, I had to find safe places and ways to unload the onslaught of emotion. One day, an older friend came for a quick check-in visit. The reality of the sexual abuse I suffered at the hands of my father was fresh. When LJ asked how I was, honesty seemed the best route. So I shared the difficulty in processing the sick emotions that surrounded the abuse. LJ was quiet for a moment. I thought I said too much when tears clouded her eyes.

My poor attempt at an apology was interrupted by the touch of her hand. “I have never told anyone this before…” she said. LJ shared her story of being sexually abused as a child as well. She was now sixty-something and always felt too ashamed to tell anyone. She was in her sixties and carried that burden for all those years.

Freedom in Sharing

LJ kept her secrets for the same reasons I have heard over and over again from other victims. Shame, fear that no one will believe them, fear of hurting the family if the truth came out, or fear of the abuser can keep a victim trapped. When LJ shared her story, you could see a weight lifting. The conversation ended with her wishing she had told that secret years before. “Maybe some of my choices would have been different,” she said. LJ found freedom in sharing her story.

LJ didn’t plan on talking about her abuse that day. She thought it was neatly tucked away and simple “old news”. But something inside her still waited to be heard. For whatever reason, that day in the quiet of my living room, it was time for that hurt little girl inside to be heard.

Finding Safe Places

One of the roadblocks to sharing is the difficulty in trusting. When we were abused, trust was broken in horrific and painful ways. Sometimes, the first step is learning to trust ourselves. And at some point, we have to trust others to walk with us on our healing journey.

On my own path, there were times I shared very personal things with a friend I thought was trustworthy. In the end, my personal shares became the topic of gossip. It was painful, but through those experiences I learned to trust my gut and watch for red flags. Even through the difficulty of trial and error, I found freedom in sharing. Releasing the pain, anger, and fear from the boxes that hold them and letting them go allows for healing.

Power in Support Groups

Trauma at the hands of others can make us feel isolated. Sometimes, it feels safer to be isolated from others. For me, there was (and sometimes still is) a war inside between the part of me that is tired of being vulnerable and the part that longs for connection. The emotions and thought processes are complex. It honestly can feel like no one else can possibly understand. Behind the Fortress

Sharing with a few friends helped me process some of my pain, but still an aloneness haunted me. Then a few years ago, I was invited to facilitate a support group for those who suffer from PTSD. The people there are compassionate with each other. Even though our PTSD comes from different traumas, there is strength in being around others who experience the same kind of difficulties in functioning in day-to-day life. And there is an overall desire to find healing and ways to move forward. Supporting each other in a true give-and-receive way, helps forge the healthy connections we long for. That is when there is freedom in sharing.

From Miracles in the Dark

If we don’t accept and process the truth of the trauma, it will continue to poison our life. Many well-intended friends advised me not to “worry” about the past, suggesting that ignoring it would make it go away. What I found is that as long as I was willing to keep my parents’ secrets, I was shackled by them…Facing the demons and being willing to trust there is a way through the trauma releases us from our abusers’ grasp.

Strength in Sharing

We cannot face the demons without letting them out. For me, as long as I denied the demons existence, it felt like there was an explosion inside me waiting to happen. As time passed, it took more and more energy to keep it all buried. By the time the negative energy would not be ignored anymore, it gained such intensity, I was afraid to let it out. It felt like its intensity would destroy me.

But letting the emotion—and the source of it—out freed me to heal. And the more I am willing to share my stories with those I trust, the more I find I am not alone. A friend told me that others’ willingness to share their struggles has made it easier for her to open up. When our sharing helps others, a new strength emerges within our soul. There is freedom in sharing our stories, our burdens, and triumphs along the way. With sharing, newfound strength can help us navigate the future.

Story Stewardship

I love this quote by Brené Brown:

“Story stewardship means honoring the sacred nature of story—the ones we share and the ones we hear—and knowing that we’ve been entrusted with something valuable or that we have something valuable that we should treat with respect and care.

We are good stewards of the stories we tell by trusting them to people who have earned the right to hear them, and telling them only when we are ready. We are good stewards of the stories we hear by listening, being curious, affirming, and believing people when they tell us how they experienced something.” https://brenebrown.com/

There is freedom in sharing our stories, our burdens, and triumphs along the way. With sharing, newfound strength can help us navigate the future.